My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
