i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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