Got a toothbrush?
D3 body, D1 cock
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize