9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
