I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
