i think i have herpe
just one?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
