there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
