Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
