I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
