Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
