My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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