i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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