Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
