I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
