'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize