I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
