he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
