i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
