i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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