I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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