Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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