i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you made out with another girl for some wings
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize