You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
