she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
