Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
