Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
