Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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