he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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