Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
