he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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