Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is Oprah even human
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
