rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize