I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
