Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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