Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
