I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
