She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How does one acquire holy water?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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