I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize