New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
