I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
