I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
