You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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