Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize