grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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