Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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