I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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