i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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