I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
