He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
