Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
