I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
