we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
