she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize