This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
