dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
