I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
