my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
