weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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