she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
