Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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