so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
