How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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