My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Everything about him screamed your future.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
how drunk are you?
Several
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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