i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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