the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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