he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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