She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Come share oat with me in your robe
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
