yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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