There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
