o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
