Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
