sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
