I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
