so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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