Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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