i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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