I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
