May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
