I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
