he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
