I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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